My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
not ubering you a puppy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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