i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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