Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
