I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Drake has all the answers
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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