I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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