I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
