I'm so fucking centered right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
