she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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