apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
