i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize