My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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