Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
