my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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