Hey man sorry I got all grabby
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
