if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im drinking this country out of the recession.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
