So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Who died my cat blue again?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
