I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
