I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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