Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
