You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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