I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
