I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It all started with a game of naked twister.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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