Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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