you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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