She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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