I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
