thus making me awesome and them whores
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
