Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
