got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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