Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sober January is a disaster.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
