who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
