I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
operation harelip BJ is a go
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How's work?
Spinning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
