After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there is glitter all over my balls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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