Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
