i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
