You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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