He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
