Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
