Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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