; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
