cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just tell him i said nine months
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
