No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
