hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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