the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
