I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who died my cat blue again?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
