4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
