is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
