he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You can't just leave with hair like that
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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