I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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