Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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