i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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