i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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