Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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