i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
