apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
