so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
