I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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