Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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