DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
