Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Pooping to opera.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
