I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
