I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
