dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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