I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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