if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im holly from the hills drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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