Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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