My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had sex on a roof
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
