i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
