After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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