Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
