Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
