my room smells like sperm. sweet.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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