dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
