My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
