Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
