omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
