would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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