if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
