sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
