Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
