is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
