just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
