My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
