My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
