I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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