I heard we made out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
