If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
